Sunday, May 27, 2012

Red Patch Syndrome - *CDC ALERT*

This is an advisory of a virulent new communicable disease: Red Patch Syndrome - "RPS"

This is believed to be a HOST - PARASITE relationship.

CLINICAL FINDINGS & PATHOLOGY: After a lengthy incubation period of up to 12 years, affected individuals seem to have the pathological need to associate in large groups and march along broad thoroughfares in cities making repetitive chants and noises with a variety of implements, pots, pans, etc. 
The diagnostic indicator of the syndrome is the red patch that appears on the attire of affected individual's.

Affected individuals assert that they have collective rights which supersede individual rights, and that individual property is an artificial construct, so they are entitled to property by virtue of their existence.  

Additionally some affected individuals choose to cover their faces, no doubt due to the shame of their condition, and many of these take part in violent outbursts destroying property (its theirs anyway, right?) and causing general mayhem. Manifestation of symptoms seems to be worse at night and in good weather.

INFECTION: Its believed this is a vector born organism that enters the ears and/or eyes of human hosts with absolutely minimal involvement of their brain. It primarily affects students of college age (18 to 25) particularly those of Francophone descent, but RPS is easily spread to Anglophones and Allophones often by cell phones or texting devices (wireless transmission! its airborne, run!!). More commonly infection is by close contact and aggravated by exposure to the toxins produced by the large number of Marxist professors in Quebec Colleges.

A common characteristic presented by those affected (usually young adults) is confusion between positive and negative rights and an inability to grasp concepts like personal responsibility and property rights likely due to the long incubation period (12 years) in government run schools and repeated exposure to the toxins produced by the unionized staff in those schools. Those afflicted with RPS ignore that the positive right to a cheap (or free) education demands that someone is obliged to provide it. Clearly this demonstrates the parasitic nature of this ailment.

MORPHOLOGY & ETIOLOGY: Unknown morphology, a causative organism has yet to be identified.
Etiology is difficult to pin point, but outbreaks of RPS-like syndromes have been known throughout history as owner-slave/parasite-host relationships. This culminated in central Europe (Moscow) in 1917 with an aggressive form of RPS that ravaged the region for more than 70 years with localized outbreaks in South East Asia and as far afield as Cuba in the Caribbean Sea.

EPIDEMIOLOGY: A strain of a less virulent form of RPS is believed to have been endemic in Quebec for over 50 years. Epidemiological research has shown that this more virulent RPS outbreak originated in South Eastern Quebec in Canada along the St. Lawrence River Valley and on the Île de Montréal several months ago. The index case may have been in the National Assembly of Quebec (Quebec City) during a budget attempt at an austerity measure for post secondary funding.
Similar outbreaks have occurred earlier in the year in Britain and other parts of Europe, but the characteristic red patch was absent.

This more virulent strain of RPS has been observed as far south as New York City during a recent Saturday Night Live broadcast with Mick Jagger and the Canadian group Arcade Fire, who apparently brought it across the US border despite the precautions of Homeland Security (nice job, eh?). Recently small pockets of RPS have been spotted to the West in Toronto, and officials there are anticipating an outbreak over the summer. Be advised, it may even spread further.       

TREATMENT & CONTROL: Local officials in Quebec have been unable to contain the outbreak despite a variety of measures to subdue and quarantine especially the violent affected individuals. Official use of a remedy agent called B(ill) - 78 has had little or no effect and may have aggravated the condition. B - 78 it also poses the risk of an assortment of nasty side effects from its hasty application.

PREVENTION: RPS-like syndromes can be prevented by repeated application of large doses of Austrian Economic Theory over several years, but such prophylactic measures are difficult because strains of RPS have become endemic in large parts of the world causing flare-ups to occur regularly.  

RELATED DISEASES: Greek Disease: This is a widespread phenomenon, closely related to RPS, that seems to be coming to a head in the Mediterranean country of Greece. Forms of Greek Disease are found throughout the Eurozone and even in North America. Its just a matter of time before the most severe symptoms are manifested.

Dutch Disease: Recently in Canada Thomas Mulcair, who is a known infected carrier of RPS-like syndrome, claims to have discovered an ailment where Canadian oil manufacturers in the West, have created a situation that results in high currency values that depress Canadian manufacturing and export abilities. This is unrelated to RPS, except that Mulcair has a distorted view of economics and should expose himself to the healing effect of Austrian Economic Theory as soon as possible.

Occupy Movement Syndrome - OWS: Definitely related.

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